Dating While Waiting – Staying True to Your Purity Vow

Preface

“THE BEST WAY TO BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH A SUBJECT IS TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT.” —Benjamin Disraeli

Greetings! I am truly excited to be embarking on this journey with you. This book is written because, deep in my heart and soul, I’ve been craving to share the knowledge that I have learned over the years when it comes to being a Christian girl and dating. As I took a step back and allowed God into my dating life, he opened my eyes to how I was using the world’s dating system instead of seeking his guidance in choosing a godly mate through him who would honor me and my purity.

As a mentor to girls, I have watched and observed them making the same mistakes I made. I recall after a breakup praying, crying, and talking to God, and telling him I was tired. I told him I was sorry for not trusting him and that I wished I had something that I could go to or someone I could talk to in the church to assist me with the struggles I was facing as a Christian girl who was trying to learn how to date through him.

I earned my master’s degree in marketing management and began to research dating books that relate to Christianity. I ran some focus groups on the most popular topics, let some girls do the assessments in this book, and found out which topics worked and  which didn’t. I went to bookstores and libraries to find out what books were out there in relation to dating as a Christian girl and maintaining our purity.

I remember going into a bookstore and asking an employee—who looked to be about seventeen—where the purity books were.

She said, “What is that?”

I knew then that God was calling me to minister to girls through my experiences.

I invite every church, every library, and every home. Engage with your parents, friends, and teachers. Take notes and highlight things that jump out at you. Most importantly, I want you to have fun as we begin this journey of dating together—with God as the center of the process.

“WHATEVER I AM NOW, IT IS ALL BECAUSE GOD POURED OUT HIS SPECIAL FAVOR ON ME.” —1 Corinthians 15:10 (NLT)

Introduction

Developing a good Foundation

I grew up in a southern holiness church, and for as long as I can remember, people said, “No fornicating, no sex before marriage, no boys, no dating until you get out of my house and you are grown and living on your own, no kissing, no hugging, no, no, no.” Nobody ever told me why.

I thought about fixing my lips and asking, “Why?”

I could hear the answer ringing ever so clearly: “Because I said so.”

Like an inquisitive young lady who likes to push the envelope just a tad bit further, I asked, “Why?”

“This is my house and my rules.”
“A lady is supposed to be seen and not heard.”
“It’s in the Bible”
Sometimes. Ephesians 6:1–3 was quoted to me.
I asked why so much that they had us study and

memorize Ephesians 6:1–3 in Sunday school. No one would ever explain the why behind the no. If someone had taught me the why, I believe some situations I have encountered in my life could have been avoided. I would have been more aware of what I needed to be cautious of, I would have appreciated the word no with dating at my age, and I would have understood why my parents were so protective over me and my purity.

This brings me to why I was prompted to write this  book. This is for the young ladies—like myself at the time—who need to know the why to better understand the meaning of staying pure until God blesses you with a godly mate (your husband). This is for the preteens who are battling with themselves about how to keep holy and still be able to hang out with the in crowd. This book is for young adults who have experienced dating and are still trying to find themselves among the noise while keeping God in the forefront. Lastly, this book is for the single Christian young women who are continuing to keep God in the center—those who want to date while trying to keep it holy. This is for the young women who are battling with the changing times—and the times sure have changed since our parents and grandparents were dating, courting, and waiting for God to send their Boaz to find them.

I can’t speak for everyone else, but I can speak for myself when I say that, throughout my spiritual teaching and growing up in church, no one dared to teach about dating as a Christian in the church. They never taught how to date as a Christian woman in the church, what feelings you may experience while dating, the pressures you may feel while dating, how to handle breakups, and all things relating to trials and tribulations you may encounter while waiting on a helpmeet.

Dating is an unspoken topic in church. It is taboo to talk about it in church. No one dares to tell the truth out of fear of being judged instead of looking at it as a way to help those who have struggled or are struggling to keep holy while trying to find themselves and the mate God has for them.

With this book, my goal is to open a platform for the church to train our kids in the way they should go and give guidance so that it’s not sought elsewhere. Our youth may be confused by what they see on the television, what they read in magazines or on the Internet, or what they see in everyday interactions and observations.

God has spoken to my heart, and he has placed this burning message into my heart to help us as Christian mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends to come together in his name to better equip each other on our journeys in fulfilling our God-given purpose on this earth. The Bible speaks about “guarding your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23). This is only the beginning, and my prayer is that many will be equipped, healed, set free, and restored as you read and learn about yourself, life, love, and how to properly date while waiting on your godly mate. The Holy Spirit is encouraging you through this message.

Let’s pray together as you begin:

Dear Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask that you search my heart and any questions that were left unanswered, please reveal them to me through your Word as I read this book. I ask that you expose any hidden areas of my heart that have hindered me from knowing you and serving you more effectively. I welcome any conviction of your Holy Spirit and ask for your grace to carry out what you desire of me. Father, help me keep it holy and learn how to keep it holy while I date and wait on the man who you have divinely favored me to marry and live out my life through you. Amen!